Oh boy...I did it again. I let the time go even longer. I find that I spend way less time on the computer when the hubby is home...Andrew returned home after being gone the entire summer and spring with just a 2 week vacation squished in between on 22 September. We have been together eveer since...I think this is the longest he has been home in a LONG while, by no means am I complaining. In fact, I love it...I treasure it. I wish it was real...and that this was my life on the daily. But, the reality is, that it is not. I am slotted to leave early July-end of August and andrew is to deploy in the fall. Not sure how all this will play out in the end...but it's on my radar for sure.

So, what has happened in the last few months?...the most important things I guess to hit on was on our first time snowboarding for the season I fell, and I fell hard and ended up getting a deep bone bruise of my tibia. The bruise was so bad in fact Dr said I was less than a half an inch from breaking the entire top piece of my tibia off. It's healing slowly...and by slowly I mean not at all it seems like. No running for me which has made me feel incapable of doing much of anything else but I am getting thru it. With a will, there is a way. I have started swimming and doing other forms of cardio. My goal of completing a full marathon is not out of sight for me this year, it's just delayed.

We had a wonderful holiday...I couldn't have asked for any better. I have begun my studying marathon which has been proving to be very good thus far. My test date is 22 March and I am stoked, that is a great date and I have 2 more months to study over what I have already got down pat at this point. E-6 is in my future this year, I feel it.

Lyla is so grown up now, I look at her baby pictures and want to literally cry. Everything about her has changed, she is the sweetest little girl ever and there are days I question if this is really the child I gave birth to. She talks so grown and seems to understand more than I give her credit for...other than all that, we are good around here. Coming off a rough year I am happy and relieved to start a new. I am hoping 2012 brings good things to many.

Tomorrow we are off to see the Steelers beat the Bronocs!! Most excited I have been in a long while. Hope I can keep up with this more often but it's unlikely :)

Lyla and Daddy few days before Christmas

10 years.

September 11th, 2011 is approaching...10 years our country has been at war. An entire decade of our military fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. 10 years since Operation Enduring Freedom began.

When I was sitting in math class that morning, freshman year of highschool watching the terror unfold on tv. I never would have thought that one day...something that felt like it had NOTHING to do with me, would have everything to do with me.

After three deployments to Iraq, and years of watching my friends and familys serve their country I think I can honestly say, I've seen enough. We take our war from one country to another, more lives lost, more days alone and what do we have to show for it? I'm not one to debate the war nor am I one to question our reason for the war...but I feel like nowadays it's more likely you will meet someone who has been to Iraq or Afghan multiple times, rather than someone who hasn't gone at all.

I serve this country proudly, and will always be proud of the part I have taken in this war. I dont know if I will ever feel like I made a difference, especially now that my once high ops tempo job has now turned into a not so ops tempo at all, to behind a desk.

So, this September 11th I promise to hold those close to me dear to my heart. To thank the Lord for bringing me back safe not once, twice..but three times as well as my husband. I will remember those that did not make it back with me. Chavis needs no remembering because he is a part of me everyday. A thought in the back of my mind at least once through out my day, even more so now as the anniversary of his death approaches. My life changed 10 years ago, my life changed even more drastically 5 years ago. Our country is still at war, and no matter your beliefs or feelings about it...it is apart of you. Take time this sunday to honor those that have served, and are still serving. Take time to remember the lives lost that day...and the price our military pays on a day to day bases for our freedom.
My heart is always with the families effected and with those that must sacrifice daily as well. The moms who stay home waiting for their soldiers return, the wife who sits home alone at night waiting anxiously for that phone call to know that everything is alright. This life is not easy, and it takes true strength to get through those tough moments. So, I tip my hat to you as well.

Chavis if I could choose one day in my life to have never happened. I wish that October 14th 2006 could be wiped off the calendar. I'd change everything to make sure you were still here. You were an amazing friend, and I hold our moments we spent together closer than I have ever held something before. I force myself to never forget. Your laugh, your jokes and ability to stay positive even in the scariest moments. I was only 20 years old, but learned so much that year. I wish I could change it all, even now as I write this..but I can't. Your sacrifice will never be in vain, our military continues to fight to ensure that.

So, with that...I hope everything has a good weekend, really takes times Sunday to reflect on these last 10 years...and where we are now.

Slacking

Wow, it's been a long time since I have blogged. Andrew came and went, we took our vacation to Jamaica and it was everything I imagined it would be. Perfect. 7 days, just me and my husband to enjoy each other, to the point where the last day we sat and looked at each other...with absolutley nothing left to say! We ran out of things to talk about, so we would always revert to what was on the back of our minds-Lyla. We really missed her. Andrew is gone again, but out of country now. Counting down the days until we are back together as a family. We spent a long time wasting time worrying about how much time we haven't spent together this year...but I have a new outlook on it now. All I am focusing on, is the time we will have together. Currently planning Lyla's 2nd Birthday, planning some fall outings as a family. Lyla is signed up for soccer on saturday's till december so we are REALLY excited about that!

I am staying busy with work, getting ready to gear up and start my studying for E-6 again. I WILL make it this go around. No excuses. I am currently giving myself a break, and have started reading again. On book #2 in the Hunger Games series and I LOVE it. It's given me time to relax at night and enjoy my quiet time. I am tossing around the idea of taking a class this semester, but I'm thinking I may pass over that idea. For once, I am not completley overwhelmed at work and at home. Thinking I should just enjoy it while I have it.

My nightmares has been acting back up again, not sure what that is all about. Can't remember the last time I had them this often, my only thought is that maybe it's because of how often Andrew has been gone? I dont know...

Lyla is getting so big, I just can't believe it. Some days she wakes up and just amazes me....Tonight while she was on the phone with Daddy, she informed him that she "hit dillon's arm" "jibberish...jabber....I had timeout" LOL Andrew was like...wow, really? Did she just tell me she hit Dillon and went to timeout? Yup....sure did.

How could I forget!! Last weekend, I completed the Pikes Peak Ascent. By far, physcially the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I still am compleley amazed that I did it. I can't even look at the mountain without tearing up sometimes. I shed many tears once I made it to the top. With one mile left to go my body just couldn't take anymore, I physically felt it was not possible. People we on the rocks looking like zombies from the altitude, which luckily had little effect on me. It was just my body in so much pain that was killing me. I didn't know it was possible to hurt so bad. I started to cry because I honestly didn't think I could do it. But then...a 69 year old woman up in front of me shouted back "C'mon girls! Let's do this" and I'm like...shit ya! Let's do this, coming into the finish so many people were cheering, and saying my name...it felt amazing. I crossed the finish line, and then began the waterworks. My friend's husband brought us flowers and champagne, and even furnished me with a hug. I dont know what exactly I cried harder about-finishing, or wishing that Andrew was there to see it. Either way, I was so damn proud. I don't think I will be able to do the race next year, but I def want to do it again sometime. Had you asked me that right after the race I would have told you hell no. But, there's something wrong me...and I enjoy punishing my body!

This is all I got for now, looking forward to getting these next few weeks over with. Ready to have my family back :)

Finally

Well, we are officially just a few days out from Andrew coming home and I couldn't be more happy, anxious, excited......and ....lazy. I seriously am in denial that he's flying in and I'm not cleaning a thing. Karen flys in on Saturday and I am thinking about taking her up to Pikes Peak on the train on Sunday. We fly out of Denver EARLY tuesday morning to begin our trip to Jamaica. I cannot believe the time is here. Finally, a vacation.

Now, I have lots of things to be down about lately but have forced myself to stay positive. Because I have in fact been quite the negative Nancy these past few months. Andrew is leaving the 7th of August (right after we return from vacation) for a few months. I decided that this is no longer a huge deal to me. It could be worse, ALWAYS could be worse.

Work is about to change quite a bit for me, I am about to move sections and I am grateful for this. It will be a slower section and I will be able to study for TSgt. Oh..maybe I should add that I am planning to reenlist. It's not official yet but that is the plan. I sat down last night and went through all my military pictures. 7 years of memories, I just dont want to give them up yet. My biggest fear for the longest time was that one day, I won't remember some of these days. Theres def more reasons why I am making this choice. But I'll save that for another post.

Anyways, this week is at a standstill! I am waiting waiting waiting for Andrew to come home! These last 3 months have been a blurr to me, where did they even go? I think I rush the time away too much.

In other news I got the COOLEST camera bag today from Jill E. it's soo damn cute. I knew I wanted something to carry it in while on Vaca, and this one is perfect. It doesnt even look like a camera bag, but more a purse. Cant wait to use it! I can't wait to take pictures of beautiful Jamaica. Ahh...so many things to look forward to. I hope these moments don't fly by...Well that's all I got for now. I must get back to Teen Mom :)

Things I have learned...

In 2011, I have learned some great lessons, both good and bad. At over half way through, I wanted to share some of those lessons.

*Every month that I stated "I'm so busy" the following month got busier, and I survived.
*It is possible to care for your toddler, even when you are on your death bed. I did it for 2 days.
*In moments of frustration, and desperation...I found out who my true friends are.
*When I thought that I couldn't give anymore...I did.
*I love my husband and daughter more than life itself. That is no exaggeration, it is the truth.
*The moments spent away from Andrew I know, will one day be nothing but a distant memory.

I am more motivated today, than I was yesterday. Which means...It can only get better from here. Andrew is gone pretty much until October. Instead of walloying in my self pity of how little I see my husband, how little Lyla sees her Daddy. I am just gonna take the cards I am dealt.
My only wish is one day these moments lost can somehow be made up to Lyla.

Where are you?

Not that anyone keeps up with my blog, or that I write it for anyone really to keep up with me. But...here's where I am. I am in a much better place then I was in May and mid June. Andrew came home for 2 days over the 4th of July weekend. For those that really know me, they know that the 4th of July is my most favorite Holiday. It's the only one that really makes sense to me. We are truly celebrating something. We didn't do much, in fact...we did what we normally do. A little this and a little of that, then took a nap and ate. It was nice. I felt like I fell in love with him all over again. He is such a good Daddy, since day one. I will never forget the day she was born we sat there in the mother and baby room just staring at her, and at each other. Clueless. But immediatley we just began doing a routine that made sense to us. The nurse walks in and says "wow, this must be your second" Ummmm no? she said "really?, I have never seen a husband and wife work so well together right off the bat." I attribute that to my amazing husband who even in his fear of having a child stood up and was willing to do whatever to make it eaiser on me.
While I am on this rant about my husband, let me also add in that even though I had 8 weeks off for maternity leave, he would still take the longest shift at night to feed Lyla, and would wake up at times even during my shifts to help me out, even though he was the one who had to work the next day. Always thinking of me before himself, that is just who he is. That is why I miss him so much, but...it's become a way of life now. I have had him home a grand total of 4 weeks since January. He has gone to so many schools this year and TDY's I have lost count. All I can say now is that I am over being away from him.
I envy the women who don't have to work....yes yes, I know, I have the option of not working. But do I? We don't have the luxury of living off Andrew's paycheck...maybe one day. But not anytime soon. Not even his soon to be E-7 pay would cut it, at least for me. I've had my own paycheck for 7 years now, that's a hard one to give up. But ya, I envy being able to have a clean home, get errands done, grocery shop when grocery shopping really needs being done...not when I have no choice because all thats left is applesauce and soup. But this is the best for my family right now. Even when it's hard at times, I know the pros def out weigh the cons in certain aspects.

Anyways, that is where I am right now. Counting down the days till I get my husband back for good. 14 days till he comes home. Then we are off to Jamaica, lots of other things approaching to be excited about. But can't let them out of the bag just yet :)

25

It's official--I am a quarter of a century old. Today was my birthday, nothing too crazy to write home about, wasnt up to much of anything. I had court, that got delayed. One of my co-workers decorated my desk with Dora decorations and got me a brownie cake. It made my morning. Papa took me and Lyla out for dinner, so that was nice. Overall it was a good day. Only thing missing of course was Andrew. :)

For my birthday Andrew purchased me a new camera--a Canon EOS 60D, with a HUGE freaking lense to go with it. He is just as excited as I am to get out and start taking pictures .I have been experiementing already and it takes amazing photos. In the end, I don't think he needed to go and purchase such an expensive camera, for now...I'd rather not know what was spent on it. But I have my ideas...
SO lets see...My court starts back up tomorrow, I have a race on Sunday...gonna try to take Friday off of work to do some shopping for when Andrew gets home. Just one more full work week left till I see Andrew's face. Things have been much easier with Papa around, I'm sure I have even gained weight considering I typically do not eat on a daily basis.
Well, thats all to update for now, I'm tired :)

One of the many pictures of Lyla that I have taken with the new camera, please notice the hot mess she is in this picture! We had just finished dinner...messy or not, she is stinkin cute!