Humbling Moments.

Today was much better I have got to admit... I didn't feel as absolutley miserable as I had the last few days. I had to give myself a few kicks in the butt this morning as I struggled to get out of bed. I remember it being much easier when Andrew is there. Had to remind myself that "life is not that bad Heather" the show must go on...just like Lupe says. BTW-I love this song.

House is a disaster, as usual. I throw some mess of a lunch together (this was Andrew's job and I must admit I miss his lunches already so much).

I got to work, and CMJ was there. A month ago, her first born daughter passed away in the womb and she has been out of work since. Now, let me first say..I have felt grief in my life, I have lost friends in combat, to tragedy and other awful horrid things. But never...in my life could I imagine this, no pain like this is comparable to anything I have felt. A friend back in Georgia lost her baby I remember it was right after our deployment. I was too young, and maybe to ignorant to even try to empathize with her as to what she was feeling. But now, here I am. A mother of a beautiful little girl and this time, I felt it. The grief caught me by surprise and I cried myself to sleep that first week. I woke up thinking about her, and fell asleep thinking about her. The only thing we could talk about was CMJ and how she could be doing. Did we really wanna know? I think we knew the answer. I dreamt about seeing her, and talking to her. I even had dreams of her bringing the baby in. Like this really was all just a nightmare. If it was possible to grieve with her...I think I might have. We felt like, and acted as if CMJ had died. I'm sure at moments she probably felt like she did.

Long story short, we talked today and I am completley and utterly humbled. She is the strongest woman I have ever known. I have talked to mothers who have lost their babies and grown children...but no one can surpass the strength that CMJ emits. It was humbling speaking to her for the simple fact that just 2 days ago I laid in my bed and cried for my husband...who is but a few states away, for an extra 3 months. That's it. Yup, heather you are about as selfish as they come. It made me realize that we all can find strength in any tough moment of our lives. CMJ is grieving, and it's still real and very alive in her heart right now. This is something that will be with her for the rest of her life. But, she's amazing and she is strong.

She is strong enough to visualize baby G running around the fields in heaven, beautiful as ever watching down over her Mommy and Daddy. I know that when we mourn for her she wants nothing more than to comfort us all. Life has not stopped...and it won't. I believe we all realize that, even CMJ. She empowered me today, she opened my eyes to the fact that life never, ever goes the way we had planned. This was a life changing event but they will percivere- I have no doubt that God will embrace them at this time in their life and bring them back to solid ground. He never hands us more then was can bear. I believe this. Which leads me back...well, to me. I can handle whatever is handed to me. I have every other time in my life. I've seen life, laughter, death and love. I've seen things one could only imagine in nightmares. But, I overcame it. CMJ has a long road to go yet, but she is already miles ahead from where I think I could be given the situation.

Tonight, I am feeling more blessed, and thankful for life and what God has given me than ever before. I am thankful for CMJ who was willing to share her story with me, I feel honored and blessed to know such an amazing woman. I can only hope that one day I can be as strong as her.